This Old Laptop…

It’s been awhile, old beast. You’ve been replaced and for that, I apologize, but you owe me one too.

I’ll admit, though, you’re pretty solid after you restart…twice. You might cease up on and off for 25 minutes, but hey, we’ve all been there. It happens to everyone … or so I’ve been told.

A reward for graduating college even though I was what some consider a “super senior.” I failed, went back and made sure to truly soak in the experience the second time around. Okay, not really…I wrote three articles for the school newspaper, The North Wind, and interned at Passages North, the college’s literary magazine, one semester. Not the most successful, I’ll say, but goddamn it, I did it. Five years later.

Mom wrote in her card “Keep Writing,” which I’ve done consistently over the last four years. For work, mostly, but I’ve been known to fill a few journals in my day. Know what I’m saying?

Anyway, this machine bares stickers from across the country and has a slick surface, no sticky keys. I’d say, it’s in impeccable shape for being 6 ½ years old. Though, the screws that held in the battery – which no longer keeps a charge – are long gone, you’re still here, alive and kicking. Against the odds.

Alright, as promised, I present 10 more answers to these questions about New Year Resolutions …

11.  Why do you think we make resolutions for the new year?

To feel better about life and believe there’s a purpose after all.

12.  Can you describe your most memorable new year?

They’re all your average American memories reeking of drunken shenanigans.

But – on NYE 2019, Shawn and I took shelter from the cold and swarms of people, making our own tinfoil ball drop in the kitchen of our last apartment in Marquette. Tacos and a drink called “pink fuck” – some tequila concoction that we cleverly named after guzzling one down. Goat was our only fur baby at the time. She could see and move around better then, but so could we.

13.  Why is the new year important to you?


14.  Have you made a new year’s resolution before? What was it?

Not seriously. As a rule of thumb, every year I think about drinking more water but less alcohol, quitting cigarettes altogether (even though it usually takes me 2 weeks or longer to smoke a pack…unless I have a good night on the town or with my pals, but you know, a 2-year-long pandemic has still got us on all fours).

15.  How do you and your family celebrate the new year at home? Do you have any new year’s traditions?

The last two years, our neighbors a street down have blown off fireworks and we’ve played Prince’s “1999” – would I call that a tradition? Maybe it should be.

16.  What can you do to make this new year even more special than last?

I could … be in New Orleans eating Cajun grub, drinking bourbon, wearing a dress, with no wool legging or socks or gloves or hat or scarf or sweater. As is. Warm, drunk, well fed, with my best pals.

17.  Before this year ends, I will…

Write a book.

18.  The best book I read last year was ________ because…

I hate this question … but only because it’s hard to pick. I’ve read a few stinkers over the years, but everything in 2021 was … pleasing? Enjoyable? Mostly?

Let’s see, there’s the Firekeeper’s Daughter by Angeline Boulley, Breakfast of Champions by Vonnegut, Malcolm X by Alex Haley, and the Last Taxi Driver by Lee Durkee.

Four, you get four because I can’t do one. Satire, loneliness – I love the imperfectness of every character. But this is a story for another time, yes, as I’ve promised to publish this by Monday, and we’re closing on it in 10…9…8….

19.  The book I’m most looking forward to reading this year is ________ because…

I’m currently reading “Welcome to the Monkey House” by Vonnegut and I’ve been looking forward to it for years. Hopefully it’s not all downhill from here.

20.  This new year, I can’t wait to learn about…

Stringed instruments, language, and depending on whether the whole “shit house goes up in flames” (thanks Lizard Jim), how we can move forward from this pandemic.

That’s all I have for you today, suckers. God speed.

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